Erika has become one of my best friends within the short time we've known each other, and things seem to just make sense when we talk. - And everything that we talk about seems to always remind me of him.
It's not like I'm trying only to remember him and everything we did together. It's just that he happens to be a big part of my life, my best friend, and someone I've learned to trust more than anyone I've ever known.
Moments of our conversation really caused me to remember how amazing and wonderful he was and is. - I just hope I don't lose something that so dearly holds my heart, and I have moments where I really really miss him.
Sometimes I experience an urge to call, to run and find him, and to just talk/tell him how much I want to share memories and reminisce, but I stop myself because I remember that things wouldn't change if I did. - We'd still be a secret, and I'd still never know.
But I do miss him.
That's ok, right??
So I express this to Erika, and she reassures me. - "Time will tell!" She says... And she's completely right! Time does tell, and it's OK to be taking time to figure things out. It doesn't mean that I didn't ever or don't still love him. It just means there are things we both need to find out for ourselves, and God will take care of the rest.
Think about it.
If I didn't meet Erika that night, I would have never found a best friend I KNOW I was supposed to meet. There's something about her that I feel so strongly connected to... Like finding a long-lost friend: the one you've always wanted and can go to without feeling pressured to be or do anything just to please them.
It just goes to show that God is in control, and He is aware of each of us. He knows what we need, who we need, and when we need all those things, and the biggest favor I can do for myself and for Him is to TRUST in that and keep praying.
So, here I am determined to be worthy of God's guidance. I hope you'd do that with me, and we'll rise together.
PS. KUTV was a good experience, but I'm pretty sure the sound guys didn't actually catch my part, and so I was going ham, but nothing was sounding. So, if you saw the broadcast, you'll know what I mean.