December 28, 2015

Dark light

I wrote you a handsome letter
With roses and light

But to deliver that letter or bury it in spite?

What horror could it unravel
Your heart already turned to ash

Don't you dare come near me
Your words just burning past

When all just screams nostalgia
Your living quarters do

The shoes, the woods, the blossoms
Yes, even mountains too

I'm here just standing, waiting.
I'd wait a year or two

For words so ever transparent
Mean nothing to your brood

So take this moment precious
Digest these words at all

Don't dare you stare and beckon
When all your words don't even call

This pain is for the lovers
Who forget they've over-splurged.

So buried in my pocket is this letter sealed to you
To deliver it would burden more than help the soul it proves.

If ever again I see you
My heart within your hands

I'll unbury every letter
To smell all of the roses and feel dark light again.


I see you're making quite the show.

They couldn't flaunt you enough.

So I've come here to disappear and make a scene.

Don't come here looking when I know you're anything but hurting.

Let me be.

Stop haunting my dreams.

December 22, 2015


Don't believe in their words.

Not even mine.

Believe in Him.

Isn't that what I've always said?

Do you remember the only thing I've ever asked you for?

That was my cry for love.

And now I'm about to run.

Merry Christmas

A Christmas music video I made with Jon Jon before our missions several years ago.

Enjoy. :)

Nostalgic Fall

Tempered glass wells bitter drops
Fleeting feathers across a pale canvas

Fresh-picked leaves withered away
Attended not for lack of "do"

Blank stares, empty contempt
Faces seen in cold film

Jealous pride two-courageous simplicity


December 21, 2015

In The Bleak Midwinter



Dear Heart,

Are you beating?

Beat stronger.


Do you hear me?

I'm screaming.


Don't give up.

Keep feeling.



Ground 0

Lately, it's been hard for me to accept, love, and forgive myself the way Christ would want me to.  I've been looking for ways to redeem myself, to dispel the hurt and pain that comes from messing up and from hurting those you love the most.  It's easy to take advantage of what you have.

I know that now is the time for me to heal, to rise from the dust, to make mends, and to be patient.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a fury.  We find ourselves asking God "why"? We find ourselves aching with no one to understand.

I've been pondering a lot about temples and the symbols they represent. Here are some articles that have really helped me grow recently:

My favorite quote:

"I think it is a wonderful symbolic reminder that when we come across trials like the fire, they can burn us down and we are destroyed, but there is that parallel in my life, too, of building up from the ashes,” Provo resident Serena Maxwell said.

I know that despite our trials and the destruction caused by our weaknesses and sin, God allows us to build from rock bottom.  He wants us to become better, and He often gives us trials to help us realize what we want.  He patiently watches as we are brought to our knees.  He waits for us to come to him with broken hearts and contrite spirits.  I take that "broken heart" part quite literally now that I think about it.

There are no words to express the pains, inadequacies, and feelings that come with a broken heart.

I am grateful for the present pains that come from being broken.  I am grateful for pain, for setbacks, and for losing people you love dearly.
Here are some of my FAVORITE parts from this article:

[In spite of the aching pain and the surge of insecurity that comes with it, having our hearts broken can be a blessing, and it can be a rare opportunity for personal growth. 
Lost in the service of each other, we then may truly heal.

After being expelled from the Garden of Eden and God’s presence,  Adam and Eve found a way to carry on despite the heartbreak they must have felt. I imagine it was incredibly lonely for them, but they never lost hope and continued to obey the Lord’s commandments. Eventually, they bore children and had the gift of the Holy Ghost conferred upon them. After that moment, they rejoiced, and Eve exclaimed, “Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient” (Moses 5:11). 
It’s a scriptural pattern that the deepest despair and pain is always countered by joy unimaginable. Alma the Younger experienced both in his repentant journey. Lehi and those of his family who partook of the fruit of the Tree of Life went from chaos and confusion to eternal happiness. The Savior himself, who bled at every pore and was crucified by those He loved, returned for a glorious reunion with His disciples in His resurrected body. Each experience of joy was made sweeter because of the pain it took to get there, and the same is true for us in our lives. 
We can make a new beginning.
Broken hearts are difficult, but they are not the end. If we let it, our broken heart can give us the opportunity to love one another more deeply and appreciate the Atonement more fully. It’s difficult, and often it takes long amounts of time for us to heal, but in the midst of our healing comes perspective that strengthens our relationship with Jesus Christ and our love for our brothers and sisters. 
Our Father’s plan is a plan of happiness, and though we may find ourselves unhappy at times along this mortal journey, the promise for those who endure and do the Lord’s will is unparalleled joy in the Father.]

Here's to new beginnings, to hope, and to faith.

Here's to being royal, loyal, and kind.  

Here's to love.

December 3, 2015