April 25, 2015

This will be a summer of film.

April 23, 2015

If I don't become a Tibetan monk,

I'd very much like to grow up and dedicate my life to teaching children music and writing poetry.

That way I'd be happy.

e n o u g h

What sculpts the stinging motions of a heart?

What makes the transparent singes break through glossy stares?

"Enough," he said,

"Lose the attachments.
Spare the passion.
Find your peace."

April 22, 2015

You can't steal my heart and leave without a proper goodbye.

Because as much as I'd like to have it back, it's just not the same.

Verina Chen, Piano

 Amy Ai Photography

April 21, 2015


Being home from the mission has definitely had its ups and downs! There have been moments of joy, improvement, and discovery. On the other hand, there have also been moments of weakness, grief, and pain.
I think I've come to appreciate and realize that as long as we are faithful and striving to become better people, "all these things shall give [us] experience, and shall be for [our] good." (D&C 122:7)
I'm happiest when I am worthy of the Spirit. This means consistently doing the small and simple things like reading, praying, going to church, and keeping the commandments!
I know that if our hearts are filled with charity towards one another, we will be able to serve and be filled with joy!!!

April 20, 2015

April 18, 2015

This is for the big suckers like me:

April 16, 2015

"You’ll go out and make mistakes, but that’s okay.  They’ll be your mistakes.  Let them be yours.  Say something with your music – it doesn’t matter what, but say something that’s you."
- Vladimir Horowitz

These Meeting Places

I've been looking at life from the perspective of a classical musician - everything analyzed, memorized, and familiar;
Perhaps it is equally as important to look at life from the perspective of a jazz musician:

"There is a meeting of the minds at certain street corners. I trust you that I’m going to follow you as you walk down this block, and you may jump in and out of a building, but I’m going to trust you that when we get to the end of the block you’re going to be there, because that’s where I’m going to be. We’ve just got these meeting places."
- Ramsey Lewis

Sandrine Astier

April 15, 2015

I'm glad.

It's finally sinking in,

and I'm moving on. 

April 13, 2015

l i n k

What do you think?

Perhaps I shouldn't post such personal things.

One of my wise friends told me that it's better not to experience so much.  Sometimes experiencing too much makes you handicapped. - You stop believing in love - that true, magical love that heals the world's most fractured hearts.

You see, I'm bound to always remember.

April 9, 2015

V e r i n a  C h e n
         Senior Recital  
   7:30 p.m.
Madsen Recital Hall

Come back.

April 6, 2015

"Fake it 'til ya Make it!"

Ok guys,

If it's not already apparently obvious that I'm going through something like an emotional, bad break-up, then you probably need help - JUST KIDDING - but seriously.

Pretty sure all my friends and family are super annoyed that I've been this way for MONTHS - no joke.

So, I've decided to REALLY REALLY get my act together and BE HAPPY (even though it's hard to control that sometimes).

We're all good. :)


PS In case you're wondering what happened, I'll just say this:
Sometimes I'm a hot-headed return missionary who doesn't know what she wants, and although I'm trying to do the right things all the time, I DON'T - not because I don't want to, but because I'm a little in-experienced and sometimes run by emotions and rash (trying not to be anymore)- so I sort of do mean things to people who are entirely innocent and good to me.  IT'S EMBARRASSING, really.

Have I learned anything from all of this nonsense that actually isn't nonsense at all?!

YES.  Yes, I have.

It doesn't mean that all the things I did are suddenly okay and right (because they are most definitely not) - It just means that next time something comes up, I'll handle it in a different way, and I'm not just saying that (this is where readers roll their eyes - but it is also where I say, "Just you wait and see!!!") I guess that's why I'd be a completely lost without the Atonement.

How was she to move on when she knew he still loved her?

And it wasn't like the other ones because she didn't love them the way that she loved him.

April 5, 2015

It's Easter.


General Conference was really great today (as always).

I didn't really know what to do with myself afterwards, so I learned a hymn.

Don't mind all the mistakes.
You don't have to let your walls down for me, but let them down for somebody.

My cold feet and Mother

A kite to breeze past a psychotic make

Rain to wash through webs of exhaustive pride

Wind to firmly rock a cradling pain

Boughs to catch a falling cry

A refuge for the poor

A refuge for the weak

A refuge for my cold feet

How do you express the bitter-sweet taste of losing someone you love to the fears of your past?

Whatever your view, at last he's past this gravity.
She must be beautiful...

April 3, 2015

In Vera

Remember what you said to me - the words I pushed aside-
on nights that I'd forgotten - in times I filled with lies?

Remember what it took for you to brush past all my fears?
The times you braced yourself because you knew my depths so clear?

Remember all those moments -
The ones we were apart
When all that played was music-
That was my truest part.

And everything you said to me
was nothing I'd ever heard.
I pushed and pushed and grimaced-
All my beliefs were blurred.
So if you've come here looking -
Even after my causing pain
And if you've come here missing -
There's the slightest chance I'm sane.

Here's a list of my reflections -
What's been buzzing through my head
On nights I wake from dreaming
of loss and pain and dread:

It's pitiful in rhyming,
the lines uneven - spread.
But it's the only way I'm speaking
Since talking I've said is dead.

You told me to be vulnerable-
Those words wrack in my head.
Of course it's as of recent
I've realized to what my pride has led.

A question to be noted,
a thought that came to mind:
What prayers had you been saying?
Where they cold or warm and kind?

For beauty to be beauty
For life to fill with love
For all I've ever wanted
There's One that's there above.

For all this to be present
Yes, the very worst is true.
I'm sure you've seen the dark in me.
 I can't deny the truth.

Perhaps this is what I needed
to feel the pain I caused
- The pain that you so tempered
when my passion was all but lost.
Are you very angry?
I don't blame you to be.
It's true I deserve it -
I've been too cold for rescue.

God's blessed me dearly,
I've been blind to see.
It's true what Lewis said, you know?
Loss is a blanket that spreads across all peace.

When everything

Violets from the Forest of Vienna

And every night, when she retired to rest, she found a fragrant little bunch of Wienerwald Veilchen on her pillow.

Spiegel Im Spiegel

They say the piano is like how humans wander.
The string is God's constant care.

How we always come back to that grounded string.


Grateful for these goons who lift me up.


Key-hole Trained

Brahms - Dalliapiccola - Schoenberg

It's like incorporating something so intricate, something so blue - into a pattern for a scheme of lullabies.

So what's all the talk about those green slips of paper?
Schoenberg didn't have any of that, but that didn't stop him from learning.

He was key-hole trained,
I am too.