December 28, 2015

Dark light

I wrote you a handsome letter
With roses and light

But to deliver that letter or bury it in spite?

What horror could it unravel
Your heart already turned to ash

Don't you dare come near me
Your words just burning past

When all just screams nostalgia
Your living quarters do

The shoes, the woods, the blossoms
Yes, even mountains too

I'm here just standing, waiting.
I'd wait a year or two

For words so ever transparent
Mean nothing to your brood

So take this moment precious
Digest these words at all

Don't dare you stare and beckon
When all your words don't even call

This pain is for the lovers
Who forget they've over-splurged.

So buried in my pocket is this letter sealed to you
To deliver it would burden more than help the soul it proves.

If ever again I see you
My heart within your hands

I'll unbury every letter
To smell all of the roses and feel dark light again.

You

I see you're making quite the show.

They couldn't flaunt you enough.

So I've come here to disappear and make a scene.

Don't come here looking when I know you're anything but hurting.

Let me be.

Stop haunting my dreams.

December 22, 2015

Wish

Don't believe in their words.


Not even mine.


Believe in Him.


Isn't that what I've always said?


Do you remember the only thing I've ever asked you for?


That was my cry for love.


And now I'm about to run.

Merry Christmas

A Christmas music video I made with Jon Jon before our missions several years ago.

Enjoy. :)

Nostalgic Fall

Tempered glass wells bitter drops
Fleeting feathers across a pale canvas

Fresh-picked leaves withered away
Attended not for lack of "do"

Blank stares, empty contempt
Faces seen in cold film

Jealous pride two-courageous simplicity

RENEWAL

December 21, 2015

In The Bleak Midwinter



Now


H E A R T

Dear Heart,

Are you beating?

Beat stronger.

Heart,

Do you hear me?

I'm screaming.

Heart,

Don't give up.

Keep feeling.

Heart,

Heart

Ground 0

Lately, it's been hard for me to accept, love, and forgive myself the way Christ would want me to.  I've been looking for ways to redeem myself, to dispel the hurt and pain that comes from messing up and from hurting those you love the most.  It's easy to take advantage of what you have.

I know that now is the time for me to heal, to rise from the dust, to make mends, and to be patient.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a fury.  We find ourselves asking God "why"? We find ourselves aching with no one to understand.

I've been pondering a lot about temples and the symbols they represent. Here are some articles that have really helped me grow recently:

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865643978/5-years-after-fire-new-LDS-temple-getting-ready-to-welcome-the-public.html

My favorite quote:

"I think it is a wonderful symbolic reminder that when we come across trials like the fire, they can burn us down and we are destroyed, but there is that parallel in my life, too, of building up from the ashes,” Provo resident Serena Maxwell said.


I know that despite our trials and the destruction caused by our weaknesses and sin, God allows us to build from rock bottom.  He wants us to become better, and He often gives us trials to help us realize what we want.  He patiently watches as we are brought to our knees.  He waits for us to come to him with broken hearts and contrite spirits.  I take that "broken heart" part quite literally now that I think about it.

There are no words to express the pains, inadequacies, and feelings that come with a broken heart.

I am grateful for the present pains that come from being broken.  I am grateful for pain, for setbacks, and for losing people you love dearly.
Here are some of my FAVORITE parts from this article:

http://www.ldsliving.com/3-Ways-Heartbreak-Can-Be-a-Blessing/s/78304



[In spite of the aching pain and the surge of insecurity that comes with it, having our hearts broken can be a blessing, and it can be a rare opportunity for personal growth. 
Lost in the service of each other, we then may truly heal.



After being expelled from the Garden of Eden and God’s presence,  Adam and Eve found a way to carry on despite the heartbreak they must have felt. I imagine it was incredibly lonely for them, but they never lost hope and continued to obey the Lord’s commandments. Eventually, they bore children and had the gift of the Holy Ghost conferred upon them. After that moment, they rejoiced, and Eve exclaimed, “Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient” (Moses 5:11). 
It’s a scriptural pattern that the deepest despair and pain is always countered by joy unimaginable. Alma the Younger experienced both in his repentant journey. Lehi and those of his family who partook of the fruit of the Tree of Life went from chaos and confusion to eternal happiness. The Savior himself, who bled at every pore and was crucified by those He loved, returned for a glorious reunion with His disciples in His resurrected body. Each experience of joy was made sweeter because of the pain it took to get there, and the same is true for us in our lives. 
We can make a new beginning.
Broken hearts are difficult, but they are not the end. If we let it, our broken heart can give us the opportunity to love one another more deeply and appreciate the Atonement more fully. It’s difficult, and often it takes long amounts of time for us to heal, but in the midst of our healing comes perspective that strengthens our relationship with Jesus Christ and our love for our brothers and sisters. 
Our Father’s plan is a plan of happiness, and though we may find ourselves unhappy at times along this mortal journey, the promise for those who endure and do the Lord’s will is unparalleled joy in the Father.]

Here's to new beginnings, to hope, and to faith.

Here's to being royal, loyal, and kind.  

Here's to love.

December 3, 2015

November 6, 2015

If he's worth it, he'll fight.

By God, he'll fight.






Live.








November 4, 2015

You ask. I say.

You've always wondered why she did the things she did:

Why she worked,
Why she smiled,
Why she fought,

The answer has and will always be simple:

H O P E

She works.
She smiles.
She fights.

October 12, 2015

October 7, 2015

Sleepless

Ships
Shudders
Shoes
Shutters
Twists
Tickets
Tune
Stutters
Suppressors
Suppressants
Starts
Sputters
Search
Disappointments
Stars
Flustered
Solitude
Fixes
Spirit
Flutters
Thoughts
Flight
Form
Cutter
Bite
Burn
Bid
Stunner
Sit
Starve
Stern
Hunger
Cold
Heart
Broken
Lover


Roam

Let me conquer my fears.
Let me reach my goals. 

Let me prove myself. 

Let me fight for my freedom so I won't be alone. 

So I won't be afraid. 

So they have no reason not to trust me. 

So I can trust me. 

It's quiet and lone,
This road of blood and bone. 

The East

Eat to live.
Live to work.
Work to play. 
Play to laugh.
Laugh to live.

Live to love.

I'm at the "live to work" part right now.

That's right. Nitty gritty. NITTY GRITTY AND "NO EXCUSES OR DISTRACTIONS". 

October 6, 2015

J






CREATIVE SPACE

A porcelain puppet that does what he's told
A kid too afraid to raise his hand
A child waiting to be saved

A girl stuck in a rut
A slave to resumes and green film
A coward with a lion's mane


Take control - the loudest roar in his heart

Take control - the screams shrill through her veins

Money can't buy a heart.
Money can't buy a lot.

Will he make it?
Will she live?

Oh, how he'll live.
Just watch how she leaves.

Just watch me.

"Labels, they limit.
This is your life, LIVE IT."

October 5, 2015

10.05.15

I went to the temple to perform initiatories this morning and ran into my Mom working in the dressing room.  She looked beautiful in white.  My brother Jon Jon who is in the MTC and leaving for Hong Kong in a few weeks was also blessed to run into my Dad who is also a temple worker.  My Dad got to perform initiatories for my brother, and he came home beaming because of it.

In Elder Chen's weekly shout-out to me was so sweet.  He always knows just the right thing to say just when I need it: 

"Thanks so much for everything :) I seriously love you so much! I hope everything is going good for you! Just Always pray, I think we always worry about 'How can I tell if its the spirt and not just me' But Elder Bednar said 'Stop worrying about it, just be a good boy or a good girl and god will take you wherever you need to be' I love you so much!"

I know the Lord is working miracles in my family and truly blessing the lives of those I love so dear.  Elder Chen really nailed it when he told me to "pray".  - With life being filled with heartache, growth, laughter, and achievement, we really do NEED to pray.  

General Conference always acts as a marker on the timeline of my life.  It's become a time of reflection for me.

Before heading out to school this morning, I expressed to my Mom how frustrated and impatient I am with myself so much of the time.  She told me that's just me being aware and wanting to change - It's me having the desire to improve and grow.

I think she's right.  I also think it's important to be patient with myself.  How else can I be patient with others?

I guess that's why I love this gospel so much.  JOY fills my heart knowing that it is never too late for that, for change.  How can I not share that with the world?!

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about agency and the power I have to shape my own future.  I want so much to do God's will and become someone who is worthy of accomplishing His work/His will.  I want to enrich my life with goodness, with love, and with joy.

I remember feeling a similar Spirit on my mission - feeling the desire to consecrate my life to God - feeling the need to cleanse and purify my life - feeling the urge to give my all to God and just serve, serve, serve.



So, here's to today being better than yesterday
and to tomorrow being better than today.


October 4, 2015

Remembrance, My World And 700

She woke,
sat up in bed,
Just like she always does,

It's been so dark these past few times. 

Awakening to the dark.

So she looked for light. 
took the flight,
And found a light. 

And for the first time, she cried, her heart weeped. 


A distant whisper: An "I love you" and "good night". 


Dearest Dreamer:


I've learned to hold my tongue.
I know I'm quiet, but I care.



I care about the things you do.




I care about the people you meet and the places you see.


I care about your happiness, your faith, your worth, your dreams, your pain, your fears, your friends, your family, your heart.

I care about your eyes that speak volumes to mine.

It's not over.

At least it always feels that way.

Know this:

No matter what,
I care about you.
Always have, always will.
Let Go(d).

September 26, 2015

The General Women's Broadcast couldn't have had better timing.  Here are some notes from the session:

Look for good qualities in others and ignore the bad.

Be pure in heart.

We need a cause - something to make us feel valued.

Faith gives us the hope to live joyfully NOW.

Fill your life with meaningful things.

Being busy doesn't make you happy.

When we love God, we want to serve Him.  We want to be like Him.

FAITH leads to HOPE that helps us feel joy and love towards God and His children.

September 22, 2015

N

A

Ni

An

Nig

Anx

Nigh

Anxi

Night

Anxie

Nightm

Anxiet

Nightma

Anxieti

Nightmar

Anxietie

Nightmare

Anxieties

Nightmares

September 21, 2015

Hello My Old Heart
- The Oh Hellos

When it's over and done

What about the labyrinth strung with silken wire?

Would you know the difference between glossy stares and heart-throbbing fire?

What of those born in peril and pain?

What of those born in flint and fame?


Alas be clear
Dismiss-ed fear

We may never see, but trust me when I say we'll meet at His feet.

"There's someone who loves you when nobody loves you,
And that someone is me.

I'll always remind you that you're the one worth being saved."

September 16, 2015

T E L L E T



reveLEd Twists, contorted beauty 
 criMson lacE, goLden twine



 hanging from mistake's first rOots
bursting from sin's Vast door



fiErce free fragiLe
aesthetic Eyes
silenT screaMs


sEize lIght's seNses
and dance with nature's bane

September 3, 2015

August 25, 2015

A r i s e

6:30 a.m.

A comforter: Tinted green, creamy white
rustling against light friction
Distant clangs, faint passing
whispered-screams, sung-cantations

Arise

No period;

Continuous chimes
sounding time un-heard by common ears
Continuous chimes
sounding passion un-felt by mundane fears

Ink: Tinted blue, charcoal black
spinning against smooth friction
Distant clangs, faint passing
whispered-screams, sung-cantations

Poetry, like any other art, is for individual interpretation; however, abstract poetry is often misunderstood and confusing.  I don't normally include a detailed description of what my writings mean because much of it is personal; however, this piece is one of my lighter and more pleasant writings, so heres a peek into its meaning:

This morning, I woke up particularly early: 6:30.
My comforter is white with tinted green accents
I believe sounds like the light rustles of fabric against skin
are musical and pleasant to hear, hence the light friction.
Sounds from the distant construction and sounds from passing cars
seep through a cracked-open window.
The chirp of birds and their chatter remind me of sweet cantations
They sound so pleasant, but I sometime wonder if they're just whispering screams.

Arise is an imperative verb and it qualifies as a sentence,
to normally be ended with a period, symbolic of an end.

However, to arise means to begin; hence the exclusion of an end.

Chimes are the sounds made by nature - man included.
Sounds of nature - the beauty and simplicity of it and of nature itself go unnoticed/unheard by those who are "common" and "mundane" - those who are too busy and run by fear.
Ink depicts the literal act of writing a letter in blue/black ink
spinning against a smooth paper - letters I write to my missionary brother
"Distant clangs, faint passing
whispered-screams, sung-cantations"
Quoted once more to stress the sounds of nature and to tie everything back to continuous progress and time.

August 21, 2015

B L U E







"Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions."







August 18, 2015

The CaroLine Cantation


My most lovable, beautiful, fabulous readers,

It has most definitely been a while since I have posted on this blog.  

What has Verina been up to during this time of absence, you ask?!
If you qualify as my family or friend, you very well know with what I have been occupied, and you also know that I've been a little obsessed with something I call "The CaroLine Cantation"! - YES, what IS this so-called "CaroLine Cantation," you ask?

Two months ago, I met a wise and most pleasant woman named CaroLine at the homecoming of a close family friend.  With royally set locks of aged wisdom, CaroLine approached me with her aura of sophistication and class.  Her light and confidence immediately captured my attention, and within the first few minutes of our conversation, we had scheduled a time for our next visit.

Who was this stranger that I was so willing to drive an hour to see?!

The time for our first appointment arrived.  I sat down in a room filled with accents of green, turquoise, and lavender.  CaroLine suddenly my guru, my sensei, my personal counselor for no fee and I sat together.  Within moments, I felt a wave of love, a sense of being understood, and comfort - everything for which I had been yearning for some time.  How had we become such close friends within such a small segment of time?  

I opened up to CaroLine and expressed my then heart-felt insecurities, doubts, and fears.  With a look of surprise and the slightest outrage, CaroLine reprimanded me for allowing such negative thoughts enter my mind.  "How can you feel that way about yourself? - I look at you and don't see any of those things.  You are beautiful," she said.

CaroLine thus invited me to cite the following cantation multiple times daily and especially before dates:

I AM A BEAUTIFUL LOVABLE WOMAN,
AND THROUGH ME
OTHERS KNOW GOD'S LOVE.

Shortly following our first visit, I returned to spend a whole night and a day with CaroLine, who thus has called her abode "Slumber Party Central".  We stayed up late into the night drinking herbal tea, icing a chocolate cake, cracking jokes, and reading scriptures.  The next day was filled with the majority of our time spent in the kitchen cooking breakfast, lunch, and baking giant cookies to be delivered to neighbors together.  

CaroLine has always been there for me ever since.  I believe that God allows certain people to come into our lives, and I'm sure CaroLine is one of those angels in mine.  She taught me how vital it is to view ourselves the way God sees us.  She is an example of selfless service, sophistication, class, faith, and hope.  Because of her voice, I feel inspired to share the same love and happiness she has shared with me.

So here's an invitation to you, yes YOU to cite the CaroLine Cantation to yourself multiple times every day.  Make it specific to your needs.  Add to it! :) Just make it YOU because that's who you ARE -- beautiful, lovable, and fabulous.

EMPOWER YOU.

August 15, 2015

If I ever were to lose my mind
Well I'd say please don't give me up
This is not how I break
Down my mind still cage
That only opens up for you
So won't you please please stay

Maybe I'm already gone
These things living in my brain
Prove that I'm insane

Seems like the best way to see
I would go crazy if you weren't with me

You got me on your side, so say you know me well
You pick me up so high to drop me with your spell
You got me on your strings and pull me til I die
You say that I am great, but we should just be friends

Since I'm losing my mind
Well I'll say I would give you up, no not for all time
is such a valuable thing
I spend mind sitting wondering why you're not with me

If this line could change your mind
I'd say it a thousand times

Is everything gonna be alright?

August 3, 2015

Verina Chen Piano

Hello one and all:

I finally created my own website: http://chenv94.wix.com/verinachen .

July 31, 2015

There are more of us out there.

Why do I always get in the way of finding them?

July 22, 2015

July 16, 2015

Love for love

If it really came down to it, I'd give up what I love for love. 

Wide eyes

You look beautiful in white.

And all we need is a spark.

So let's throw out our resume plans and build somethin bigger

Cuz I know I told you my dreams of becoming an astronaut, but you have to know this:

Being an astronaut is second to being with you.

July 15, 2015

We Could Be

You know, I think about us and how we could be.

But I'm waiting around like it's my duty
When all it is is soaking in:

That I could be mistaken, and there was really nothin'

So pretty boy, what will it be?
Could it be that you'll forsake me?
Has it been that you already have, and I'm stuck here to get over another jab?!

How is it that I always hurt when it shouldn't count?

I named those keys when I was young -
The name of Chopin, I doubted anyone
Would walk in my life
With a permanent tattoo

With the potential of one
Who could heal that large bruise

So if you're the one that needs me a muse
It's appropriate you heal my heart too.

July 14, 2015

Will Time Tell

To love - To be loved
By someone as crazy about you as you are them

In a way that shouts beauty
In a way that shouts class
In a way that shouts appropriate

When you're together
When you're apart

A mutual respect that defies all opposition

In hopes of coming closer
In hopes of coming together

Wait

Wait

Wait

Time does tell.

July 8, 2015

Excuse me sir, there's a

July 7, 2015

Confidence

Dearest Reader,

Do you ever find yourself in a rut?

I mean, do you ever find yourself wallowing in self-pity? - Wondering why for Heaven's sake God decided to allow you in such circumstances?

You stare opaquely at a barren wall - hoping that somehow sometime soon, you'll be free of whatever is burdening your soul.



Hey kid, be careful.

Hey kid, look up.

Hey kid, I might not know you, but I care.



You know, it's as okay as ever.

Sincerely,
Confidence


June 23, 2015

Life is to be filled with love and laughter.

Guys, this is my life's dream:
#Goals


Also, I may or may not have a thing for acting. ;)
video

June 19, 2015

OK #4 Why not?!


Three posts in ONE day?!


Woah, guys!! 

I am on a roll today! :) hehe
But really?! - I don't know what's gotten into me.

I'm listening to hymns all the time, I love working, and I love finding ways to make other people HAPPY.

I guess I'm doing something right for once, and I'm not ashamed to share it with the world if it means someone else is reading this and wants to or is becoming happy too!

賴姐弟

This morning, I woke up at 4:00 a.m.

Why did I wake up so early, you ask?

Well, it so happens that two very important siblings that I met in Taiwan ( 賴姐弟) got baptized today!

Even though I was on skype and wasn't there in person to attend their beautiful baptism, I still got to see their happy faces and witness as they were immersed in water.

I couldn't help but notice how grateful and joyful they both were as they bore their testimonies in from of all those who came to support and attend their baptism.

賴姐弟 have been waiting years and years to be baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  After years and years of meeting with the missionaries and making commitments to improve and better their lives in small and simple ways, they chose to enter into the waters of baptism and progress towards Eternal Life!! :)

I am so grateful that God allowed me to be there for them now and forever!

Here are some of the pictures that I snapped this morning.



The top photo is of  賴姐姐.  Next to her is another one of my RC's (recent converts) who I contacted on the streets in Dakeng.  I was blessed to be transferred to Tanzi where I attended her baptism before I left Taiwan for America.  And to the very left of the picture is another spectacular woman who I contacted while serving in Taichung.  - Not yet baptized, but perhaps one day? :) She is bright, hopeful, and filled with so much light!!

I know that this gospel is full of truths that do bring blessings to our lives.  Although I still have much to learn and much to grow, I know that as long as I am striving to act in a Christ-like way, my life will be filled with hope and peace.  :)

So, no matter where you stand, I know there are opportunities for you to serve in ways that are unique only to you!!! - Go fill the world with truth and light. :)

CLEAN


I am feeling like a NEW ME today. :) 

Yesterday, I spent the whole afternoon cleaning out my room with the help of my expert Mom. (She's THE BEST.)  Even though I kind of hated cleaning, I realized how GOOD It was for me.  My Mom believes that the way we keep ourselves and our surroundings is a reflection of how we are inside.  - So, if our surroundings are cluttered and messy, then our hearts and our minds may be cluttered with all sorts of scattered thoughts.  

As I threw out excess belongings and plain-out trash, I noticed that I had more space and more freedom to organize things the way I felt the most comfortable.  By the end of the day, I knew where everything had been placed, the room felt brighter, and I myself felt better!

Last night was also one of the first nights I went through my mission letters and memorabilia.  I was filled with so much joy and was inspired to pick myself up and improve.  - I am so grateful for a Mother who encourages me to be a clean person and prepare myself for the Lord's blessings by keeping myself pure in every single way.  

It's never too late to start cleansing and improving your life. :)  So, here's an invitation to YOU, yes you - to CLEAN YOUR SURROUNDINGS, whether that means staying in all day to reorganize your room or wash those dishes!! At the end of the day, enjoy your new environment and record how you feel. I promise it'll make you feel wonderful. :) You can do it!

June 18, 2015

Sam Smith - Not in That Way

June 17, 2015

We live to die.

We die to live.





Revert to draft.

Breathe.

Live.





June 16, 2015

So I'm hurt.

You win.

Cotton Mind

Since I've moved out, I've had a lot of time to meditate, spend time thinking on my own and with friends.

I've spent time pondering the things like my conversion to my religious beliefs, my goals, and my purpose.  I've listened to countless conference talks, attended service projects, and prayed, prayed, prayed.

I'm often discouraged by my ever-philosophical mind and complex thoughts, but I find peace that even a web of cotton can be spun into string.

June 15, 2015

Coconut Oil and Hair Growth


Today I biked to the Asian Store to buy some coconut oil. :)
Coconut oil apparently stimulates hair growth and is extremely healthy for damaged or brittle hair.





We are not alone - at least, we're alone only if we choose to be alone. We're alone only if we choose to go through life solely on our own strength rather than learning to draw upon the power of God. Thus, the question for each of us is, what do we believe?
Sheri Dew

June 14, 2015

Want U Back Boyce Avenue

Okay?

Last night I dreamt that you were running with some other girl.
And so I wrote you a letter that said this:

It looks like you're happy.
"He's a lover," my friend said.

So I'm letting you go because you're happy
And I'm moving on.

If you say it's true, then I'll be okay.

Okay?

June 12, 2015

Five Minute List

List

List all the thoughts that cross your mind in the next five minutes:

Stripes - Gray and white stripes on the shirt-dress I'm wearing right now
The noise my iPhone keyboard makes as I type.
The cursor blinking as I take time to find the best character, the next line.
My nails - the nail polish isn't there anymore because I took it off... I couldn't stand it.
I should probably be practicing piano right now.
Podcasts are really fun to listen to, I mean, it's all preference.
I'm so tired. - Really feeling that lunch I just made.

Why do I always forget to put the eggs in the pot first before I boil the water?!
My eyelids, man... Totally drooping and so heavy.

Are the five minutes up?! It's taking forever.

Alight, fine. Something a little more interesting: I was on my way home from work today when I realized that I was feeling content for the first time in a while.

I am happy being where I'm at right now, and I feel more peaceful and trusting of myself. :)

Ok. My five minutes are up. - Your turn! Go!
I'm happy that we have the choice in this life to be happy - for opportunities to change, to grow, to try again.

I guess it's. God's way of saying, "I love you."

June 11, 2015

Sounds to Cope

I have officially started posting on my podcast.  It's mostly going to be a bunch of samples of me experimenting with different sounds: covers, classical repertoire, and short compositions:

click here for my profile. 


Vera

Dear Anonymous,

Yes, I've written songs about you.

No, these songs haven't actually helped me get over you.



So if by any chance, you're here on your own accord,
and you know you're still in love with me,
and that girl you're dating isn't me,
and you want it to be me...

More than a few days, 
and definitely more than a few weeks, or months, or years, or lives,

then heck!

Come find me.
Do you know the feeling?

That feeling that you get when you've put yourself out there

just to end up waiting and brooding over the mistakes you've made.

There's a weight that presses upon your chest,

and you can't breathe.

So, you take a walk, or you take a break.

You hope that tomorrow it'll get better -

That you won't miss what's already gone before.

And day by day, you wake up just to fall back asleep,

hoping one day, you'll get up with the light you once possessed.

June 3, 2015

If we meet tonight, then I won't let you go.
Blind to selfish pride
Gave birth to the purest hide

She, a quiet whisper through the clouds
Knew not what wrong she did, so bowed

Kneeled right before that bride
Who swore in arrogance to contain her lies

Seized that Purest Hide
And with it, wrapped the thickest sighs

June 2, 2015

Inter-twining spindles of fallen light
Dreary weight dangling off of weary eyes

Metallic heartstrings pulled ever so tight
Across two walls of hidden spite

Intrigue lot the pale moonlight
"I'm not for you, and you're not for me."

Innocence marked by Saint Calvary. 

Big Girls Do Cry

When I was little, I hated being young and innocent.
I hated that I was naive.
I hated that I was gullible, foolish, and shy.
I hated that I didn't understand dirty jokes - jokes that everyone immediately got except me.
I just didn't get that humor.

And now?

I guess I'm still a little girl, and I'm not as innocent and I'm not as young.
But I am happy that I'm still a little naive.
I love that I'm gullible and a little foolish sometimes.
I love that I still don't understand that silly humor -
I love me.
I love that I'm sensitive and that I do cry.

So yes, I'm still small, and I'm still growing but this time around, I kind of like being innocent, and I want so much to be pure.

I know that's not what the world views as cool or hip nowadays, but I don't care.

I guess big girls do cry.
You can boast about anything if it's all you have. Maybe the less you have, the more you are required to boast.
John Steinbeck

June 1, 2015

Some people think I hate them.

I don't.

It's actually quite the opposite.

If you wanna see me, come find me.

So I deactivated my facebook but had to save these photos because, well, my good friend Amy spent a lot of time on these:







I am Verina Chen - beautiful, independent, kind, and real.  I am more than a profile on social media.  I am more.
So if you want to see me, then come find me.
I won't have it any other way.

May 19, 2015

Anything but Ordinary

There's a way to step off this carousel.

There's a way to keep going.

There has to be a way to leave all my ghosts behind - a way to start fresh.

All I have to do is begin.

May 7, 2015

A glance - a blur - a flash
Recognized features

But it was dark and not one face lit

Present or gone?

April 25, 2015

This will be a summer of film.

April 23, 2015

If I don't become a Tibetan monk,

I'd very much like to grow up and dedicate my life to teaching children music and writing poetry.

That way I'd be happy.

e n o u g h

What sculpts the stinging motions of a heart?

What makes the transparent singes break through glossy stares?

"Enough," he said,

"Lose the attachments.
Spare the passion.
Find your peace."

April 22, 2015

You can't steal my heart and leave without a proper goodbye.

Because as much as I'd like to have it back, it's just not the same.

Verina Chen, Piano




 Amy Ai Photography

April 21, 2015


從傳教返鄉以來,我有許多不同的經驗!有歡樂,改善,和頓悟的時刻,也有無力,悲傷和痛苦的時候。
我想我已經體會到,只要我們有信心,努力成為更好的人,“這一切事情都將給「我們」經驗,對「我們」有益處。”(教義和聖約122:7)
在我配稱有靈同在的時候,我最快樂。這也就是在我一直做微小而簡單的事時,譬如閱讀經文,祈禱,去教會,和遵守誡命!
我知道只要我們內心充滿對他人的愛心,我們就會為人服務,充滿喜樂。

Being home from the mission has definitely had its ups and downs! There have been moments of joy, improvement, and discovery. On the other hand, there have also been moments of weakness, grief, and pain.
I think I've come to appreciate and realize that as long as we are faithful and striving to become better people, "all these things shall give [us] experience, and shall be for [our] good." (D&C 122:7)
I'm happiest when I am worthy of the Spirit. This means consistently doing the small and simple things like reading, praying, going to church, and keeping the commandments!
I know that if our hearts are filled with charity towards one another, we will be able to serve and be filled with joy!!!


April 20, 2015

April 18, 2015

This is for the big suckers like me:

April 16, 2015

"You’ll go out and make mistakes, but that’s okay.  They’ll be your mistakes.  Let them be yours.  Say something with your music – it doesn’t matter what, but say something that’s you."
- Vladimir Horowitz

These Meeting Places

I've been looking at life from the perspective of a classical musician - everything analyzed, memorized, and familiar;
Perhaps it is equally as important to look at life from the perspective of a jazz musician:

"There is a meeting of the minds at certain street corners. I trust you that I’m going to follow you as you walk down this block, and you may jump in and out of a building, but I’m going to trust you that when we get to the end of the block you’re going to be there, because that’s where I’m going to be. We’ve just got these meeting places."
- Ramsey Lewis


Sandrine Astier

April 15, 2015

I'm glad.

It's finally sinking in,

and I'm moving on. 

April 13, 2015

l i n k

What do you think?


Perhaps I shouldn't post such personal things.

One of my wise friends told me that it's better not to experience so much.  Sometimes experiencing too much makes you handicapped. - You stop believing in love - that true, magical love that heals the world's most fractured hearts.

You see, I'm bound to always remember.

April 9, 2015











V e r i n a  C h e n
         Senior Recital  
  5.06.15
   7:30 p.m.
Madsen Recital Hall


















Come back.







April 6, 2015

"Fake it 'til ya Make it!"

Ok guys,

If it's not already apparently obvious that I'm going through something like an emotional, bad break-up, then you probably need help - JUST KIDDING - but seriously.

Pretty sure all my friends and family are super annoyed that I've been this way for MONTHS - no joke.

So, I've decided to REALLY REALLY get my act together and BE HAPPY (even though it's hard to control that sometimes).

We're all good. :)

HERE'S TO FAKE SMILES AND KEEPING BUSY.

PS In case you're wondering what happened, I'll just say this:
Sometimes I'm a hot-headed return missionary who doesn't know what she wants, and although I'm trying to do the right things all the time, I DON'T - not because I don't want to, but because I'm a little in-experienced and sometimes run by emotions and rash (trying not to be anymore)- so I sort of do mean things to people who are entirely innocent and good to me.  IT'S EMBARRASSING, really.

Have I learned anything from all of this nonsense that actually isn't nonsense at all?!

YES.  Yes, I have.

It doesn't mean that all the things I did are suddenly okay and right (because they are most definitely not) - It just means that next time something comes up, I'll handle it in a different way, and I'm not just saying that (this is where readers roll their eyes - but it is also where I say, "Just you wait and see!!!") I guess that's why I'd be a completely lost without the Atonement.